What it means to know God as my Father!
What does it mean to KNOW God as my Father? As it has been said and sung, "to KNOW Him is to LOVE Him"! How do we get to know Him? We must first experience Him!
O Father! My life is a mess! My marriage, a shamble! My life unbalanced, my heart, shut off! My heart like broken glass is full of sharp, painful shard! What do I do God? It's so still, so quite. I can't hear you! Aren't you listening? I need you! I stumble forward, slowly drifting. Angry! Father, are you not speaking? "I am, but you're not obeying!" Fine! then leave me alone! Just give me what I want! Sadness...my Father's heart is broken, torn. He loosens the reigns, he knows he can't force his will, can't make my choices. My Father watches in agony with eyes of love and compassion as I create an even bigger mess. He knows he will have to clean up my mess, but he never complains, he just keeps gently calling, calling my name. He keeps instructing, "that's far enough, turn around." I glare at him with disdain and toss my head with a haughty laugh! How I must have hurt him, but he continues on with me, fighting demons I know nothing about! Anticipating my return. He knows it will be hard though, for I have so much pride, such a stiff-neck! My Father though, he never stops getting in the way! Providing a way, a way back home! He laid the paths before me. Oh, but I was the smart one! After all, I'd watched all kinds of movies like CSI! Ha, I was good at hiding, running, escaping the flame! I won't get caught! At least that's what I thought!
The time had finally come, my Father had had enough! Again, he put a roadblock before me, a sign saying, "daughter, come home!" With arrogance, a dead heart and a wild spirit I relented. I was not repentant, no not yet, but oh my Father, how he rejoiced in just that one step! He's not worried for he has great faith in me! He know's my heart and he knows how to fix it! Isn't that truly what every daughter wants? Oh, daddy, please just fix it! Time slowly continues on...
My God, my Father, always by my side, always with a plan.
Rebellious, black sheep gone astray; testing you, pushing the limit.
Do you still love me? If you do then you would...but you said, "because I love you, I won't!"... My soul so weary, worn out! My heart broken into a million teeny, tiny, beautiful, stained glass pieces. Rejection, abandonment, used, scarred and tainted, all blanketed with my sin! Unconditional love, forgiveness, and acceptance, offered and rejected. Your Father heart heard my desperate, confused cry; you wept for me, with me, as a Father does. My God, My Father, I'm knocking on deaths door! I want it, I need it! If you loved me you would..."Because I love you, I won't!"... To my every plea for death, you answered, "My grace is sufficient for YOU!" I can see your big hand reaching down for me into the ravishing pits of sorrow, but I cannot reach it, not even the tip of your finger! You answered me, " just be still, I'll stretch further! I won't let you fall!" I love you Father, but can you still love me? I'm afraid! Send me a way out, a different way, my way! "I want to" you reply, "but not that way, I know what's best! You must trust me! Haven't I proven myself yet? I will do it again because I love you, I forgive you! I will carry you, I will get you through this mess! You will sing again, you will dance, you will twirl, you will run, you will be successful in my purpose because I love you! I love you with my very life!" Trust? No! God you know that was stolen from me long ago! I can't! If you loved me you would..."Because I love you, I won't!...Take my hand, I'll lead you home! Come to me! Let me comfort you! I feel your pain! You have nothing to fear, I am here and I will never leave you! The road will be hard!" My Father, he's so honest! "You will turn back to me many times and many times I will forgive you."
His grace reaches me! My Father, God, has never broken a promise! My plans are not His plans nor are my thoughts greater than His! "To know, know, know you, is to love, love, love you...and I do, yes I do!"
Stephanie Goode © May 20 2014
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