How Great Is Our God!

 I want you to know that satan does not want me to tell you the things I'm about to share.  He has used 2 people from my past to try to hurt me & cause me to doubt & lose my confidence in God, 3 times all in this last week.  His last attempt was while I was well...now!  He's a loser! But today, I am giving God the glory! That's why we started off with praising God through song so that we could prepare our hearts & minds to receive God's blessings & also to put satan under our feet where he belongs. 
  
Do you know why I can tell you how Great our God is?  Because he has brought me from the depths of darkness & into the illuminating light of his grace!  I don't feel that it is necessary today to elaborate on my mistakes or bad choices but instead I feel led to share with you Ephesians 3:16-21 I pray that out of his glorious riches he[being God] may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  & I pray that you, being rooted & established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide & long & high & deep is the love of Christ, & to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Psalm 138:7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against my foes, with your right hand you save me.  Almost a year ago I made a choice! I had been resisting satans lures into temptation for some time & begging God to help, to change my thoughts, forgive me for my thoughts, keep me from feeling the things I was feeling. God didn't help me! He let me down! Just like my husband! So, after fighting satan for so long, I finally grew tired & rebelled.  I told God, "Fine, just let me have it! I give! You want help me then just let me go!" I turned my back on God & walked away. I turned my back on my husband, I was ready to walk away.  I rebelled & even tested God at times. I look back now on my arrogance toward God & I shudder!  That's pretty scary! I see things differently now that I am on the other side of disobedience & I truly believe that satan asked to dance with me & God granted it to him with one condition, he could not have my life in physical death even though I may try. Let me tell you that the pain, sadness, disappointment & hurt that I went through because of MY choices nearly killed me. I felt so unlovable, so wrong, so ugly, not worth anything. I had lost way to much weight. I wasting away mentally & physically. I decided, again a choice, to take my life because it just wasn't worth the fight, I wasn't worth the fight. The pain was way too much! God had another plan for me though! He never allowed me to be tested more than I could bear without also giving me a way out! I thought the way out was death! I bypassed all the life floats he sent me, they would just keep me in this pain, this shame, this guilt! I hated myself, my life! More than once I tried to take my life and every time Jesus unwrapped the grasp of the ugly fingers of death from around my throat.  I could just barely see the light but I thought I was to weak to go toward it. I just knew there was no way out, why would God still love me? He always whispered to me, "Stephanie, you are mine, I created you, & nothing you could ever do will change that. I forgive you! Remember, My grace is sufficient for you. When you are weak then I am strong! Let me hold you, let me pull you up just enough that you can see my face." Jeremiah 31:3-6 "I've never quit loving you & never will.  Expect love, love, & more love! I will start over with you & build you up again. You will sing & dance again!" "Trust in me."  Oh, I longed for that but satan kept a tight hold on me! I resisted God's love, I resisted changing because it was too hard, it hurt too much!  I remember one of my last times I planned to commit suicide I sent my family to church because I planned on being dead by the time they got home & I audibly heard God say as I reached for the pills, "No!  I have plans for you! Hold on a little longer."  I put the pills down & said, "ok." His voice was gentle & yet firm!  My struggle back to my marriage that I did not want to be a part of at the time, back to my kids that I never meant to hurt, back to the God that I truly love, has been a choice too, but this time it was a choice of obedience & a fearful respect for God & a glimpse of hope that he might actually give me the desires of my heart!  Good things that would honor Him, it's truly all I've ever wanted. There were times that the pain inside of me from the war that was going on for my soul between good & evil was like being possessed.  If you've ever watched an exorcism they show the body being distorted in all kinds of crazy ways, that's how I felt on the inside!  Like I was being pulled apart.  Outwardly I was depressed, angry, sad, confused, withdrawn.  That is what sin can do to a soul that belongs to Jesus! Satan wants me so bad, but thank God that he sent Jesus to die for me & leave me the Holy Spirit to help fight this battle. Let me read to you Psalm 13 because it will tell you exactly how I felt so many times & uses the same words I did.  "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?"  See, I begged to be out of my pain. "How long will you hide your face from me?" Sometimes I felt like he had turned away, that he wasn't listening.  "How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?"  Satan kept my mind tormented with images & memories, lies. " How long will my enemy triumph over me?" God had many lessons for me to learn, more character to build into me! "Look on me & answer, O Lord my God.  Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death."  I was on the edge of a darkness,  that could last forever. It was my heart crying out, "God, if you love me! Please, answer me! Give me relief!"  My enemy will say, "I have overcome her," & my foes will rejoice when I fall.  I so did not really want that to happen but I felt so helpless.  I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall, when God grabbed  & held me. Now I can say, "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.  I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me!"  My journey this last year has truly been a love story!  A romance! A fairy tale that does come true! I have learned that nothing can ever separate me from the love of God! The Bible says so in Romans 8:37-39 In all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God this is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Yall, Jesus loves you, you are His! He knows you inside & out, every hair on your head, every sigh, every heartbreak, every tear, every smile.  I have taken to heart Zephaniah 3:17, it's my favorite verse.  The Lord is with me. My God is a mighty warrior, he will save me [he has saved me], He takes great delight in me, He quiets me with his love, He rejoices over me with singing! Isn't that romantic? In Exodus 14:14 He says He will fight for me, I just need to be still!  While I was literally in the fight of my life he promised to protect me!  If I would dwell in the shelter of the Most High I would rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  He covered me with his feathers, & under His wings I found refuge; His faithfulness, [not mine], was my shield-Psalm 91:4 Yall, being obedient is so hard sometimes especially when the sinful flesh and confusing emotions want one thing & the spiritual soul wants it's God. He loves me so much, He is close to the broken hearted, [he is close to me] & saves those who are crushed in spirit. I just beam inside & out, I flush, I'm in love! When I read Deuteronomy 7:6 my heart goes pitter patter because The Lord says, "I have chosen you, Stephanie, out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be mine, my treasured possession."  I mean, I just feel special knowing that.  You might even see me twirling my hair & blushing!
 Psalm 18 is the foundation of My letter to God as well as other scripture & my own words combined 

                                  Love Letter To God
             
                                                
~I love you, God~ you make me strong. Lord you are my rock, my fortress & my deliverer; My God you are my rock, in whom I take refuge.  You are my shield & the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  I call to you Lord, who is worthy of praise, & I am saved from my enemies.  The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.  The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me.  In my distress I called to you Lord; I cried to my God for help.  From your temple you heard my voice; my cry came before you, into your ears. Thank you for hearing me! You have gathered my tears in a bottle & held them close to your heart! You fought for me!  You left the 99 to find me! You sent your one & only Son, Jesus to die for my sins.  You have covered my sins with His blood.  I am forgiven, I am pure, white as snow..The earth trembled & quaked, & the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because you were angry. Smoke rose from your nostrils; consuming fire came from your mouth, burning coals blazed out of it.  You parted the heavens; dark clouds were under your feet.   You made darkness your covering, your canopy around you-the dark rain clouds of the sky.  Out of the brightness of your presence clouds advanced, with hailstones & bolts of lightning.  You Lord thundered from heaven; your voice, voice of the Most High resounded. It is Finished! You shot arrows & scattered my enemy, satan.  You reached down in my distress; you drew me out of the deep waters of hell, the oceans of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. You, O Lord Jesus, understood my pain, my depression, because you yourself cried out "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death." You brought me out into a spacious place, a field of wildflowers; you rescued me because you delight in me.  I stand here saved-surprised to be loved!  God, you made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before you.  When I got my act together, you gave me a fresh start. You O Lord keep my lamp burning; my God you turn my darkness into light.  You give me strength & confidence, you sustain me, you have set me as a precious jewel in your palm.  The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior.  God's chosen is beloved. 
Psalm 138:8 The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever-do not abandon the works of your hands. 

I don't know that I have done justice to all the love, adoration & gratefulness I feel towards God for always loving me, for always showing up but I hope that I at least shed some light on it.  Yes, I messed up & tainted my character but God has put me in this place today to restore it!  He has given me the desire of my heart & it has given me great pleasure!  How great is our God!

 Ladies take this last thought with you, Mom's-when I asked young girls what the most important thing was that their mothers could give them what I heard was I wish she would share her life with me. Her mistakes, hurts, problems & finally the solutions. This let's me know she is real & understands & makes me feel like I'm not so bad when I mess up and if when I tell her my mistakes she would love me anyway & not judge me but hold me & tell me it's gonna be ok.  Daughters-Don't forget to listen to your moms.  Ask about her life, her disappointments. Let her talk to you about who she used to be, how she got to where she is now, what she missed out on & lastly when she cries, cry with her & hold her! Give her the respect she deserves for the sacrifices she's made!  My children know about my mistakes & it has been through my recent choice that they have seen me fight for my life & what is right & have seen the increase of my faith! May God bless each of you with more love & grace than you can comprehend!

In love with my Great God!
Stephanie Goode