#Saywhat? Radical obedience and God in the midst of my storm!

                             Written for OBS "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" 
                                               #Saywhat? You talking to me? BUT...


Ever been there? God put this post on my heart one day last week and I kept mulling it over, thinking ok, ok. Really? How can I do this when I don't even know what the topics are? Besides I haven't even read Chapters 2 & 3. God kept right on stirring my heart! I mean there are plenty other yes stories I could share. Seriously, I couldn't focus, couldn't even read my lessons. I anxiously awaited the list of topics on Sunday, I mean, I basically had this written in my head I just needed to see if it was gonna fit in. There they were and guess what... my story fit right in. Way to go God! I finally gave in and said yes, wrote my rough draft and then there was relief.  Since then God has confirmed this decision over and over.  God knows! I pray that my story blesses someone and maybe gives hope to a struggling christian! Press on!

Radical obedience-done out of fearful respect for God, love for God, fear of consequences if I don't.  The battle was fierce! The consequences high!  Painful to say the least!

Obeying was like an exorcism! In fact, it was! I seriously fought so hard that I literally felt as if I was being torn apart from the inside out! There were times I'd wished that someone would lay hands on me and exercise the demons out! No one did. Instead, with God's help I fought them.  I was fighting a spiritual battle of truth, peace, obedience and forgiveness and a fleshly battle of sin, desire, hurt, and lies.  When you are called to obey and you are torn, the devil enticing hard on one side and Jesus gently calling you on the other it just ain't easy! I'm here to tell ya!  Sin is fun! No doubt!

I was willing to walk away from everything, a marriage of 15 years, my children and take a chance of forgiveness just to have a momentary break.  If I would just obey I could have eternal peace!  Sounds like an easy choice, right?  When God told me to stay in my marriage that I'd said I was through with, to leave the affair that I thought was the answer to my problems, I can tell you that that was the beginning of hell on earth! Don't deceive yourself into thinking that Satan is gonna let go that easy! Uh-uh, he's not!  I was already disappointed in God, mad at God because I felt that he had not answered my prayers when I had called out to him to change these unhealthy feelings that I was starting have for this other person. I blamed God! Truth? I was disobedient and finally said to God, "Fine! Just give him to me!"  Guess what! He did! Be careful what you ask for! God allowed Satan to dance with me. OH MY! The price we have all paid!  I tested God often during this time, I laughed at God. I am disgusted at my gall even now.  Can I just suggest to you not to do that?! Here's the thing...
GOD NEVER GAVE UP ON ME! Satan seriously wanted my LIFE! In death because if he could silence me, I would no longer be that Christian woman I once was who stood up for Christ, who obeyed, who trusted! 

Many times I played with suicide and every time God said, "NO!"  One time I very audibly heard God say, "NO! I have plans for you, just hold on!"  I would like to say that was the last time I tried anything, but it wasn't! Y'all the pain, the confusion, the guilt and shame was way to much for me to bear!  I tear up as I write this because I am grateful and amazed by his love! One time I wondered, "how many pills do I have to take? Why is this not working?"  I was angry! 

I believe God has given me so many messages, so many gifts to share, but they are too many for one blog post!  What I can say is this...I have had a ton of  #saywhats in the last 3 years and each time I have obeyed God has brought me a step closer to him.  Today as I am becoming more and more myself again, released from the bondage of sin, guilt and shame, I am tearful...overwhelmed by God's grace!

My marriage is still intact and better than it was before much to Satan's chagrin.  You lose Satan! My children have been hurt but are healing.  It is my hope and my prayer that they see my fight, my strength in Christ alone, my faith journey, instead of my sinful choices.  I hope that they, as well as others, can see Jesus in me!  If you are in a marriage that is struggling and so very hard right now, persevere, dig into God's word and see his truth, fall on your face asking for revelation. Get to know Jesus, be obedient no matter what!  Believe that each time you obey, each time you draw close to him, he draws close to you, James 4:8.  He will bless you! Claw your eyes open sisters and brothers, run, scream, cry, tear your clothes(figuratively or for real if you must! I understand that feeling)!  Whatever it takes to do what is right!  HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH!  If your struggle is suicide or depression, stop listening to Satan's lies!  Maybe it's anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, etc, do away with it! Give it back, it doesn't belong to you!  I have learned that if I would just turn it to God, fall upon His grace, be radically obedient, those things do lift and change!  I'm still here because God wants me to share this with you!

Some love notes God shared with me:
My Princess daughter,
My grace is sufficient, I am all you need
Nothing can separate you from my love
Be still, I will fight for you
I sing over you, I will comfort you under my feathers, I will protect you
I delight in you! I treasure your tears.  They will not be wasted, joy comes in the morning
I will be your strength and shield, I go before you
I have many plans for you
I want to prosper and bless you, lift you up
I will NEVER harm you!
I am jealous for you, I will fight your enemies.
I will take down those who come up against you!
All you need to do is trust in me and say YES!
Whatever I say do, do it!
Receive me! I am your comfort! Your loving Father!
I will never leave you, nor will I forsake you!
I forgive you! You are PURE, WHITE AS SNOW!
My eye is on the sparrow, how much more is it on you!
Let me be your vision!
Come to me, come to me, come to me!

Have you ever had a father, a lover or a friend such as this?  You can!  Call out to Jesus!  Where ever you are, just as you are!  Believe in Him, confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord. Repent, turn from your sinful, worldly ways and finally, #radically obey and follow Jesus in baptism in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.  Buried in his death, raised to walk in newness of life!  Praise Jesus! Clothe yourself with Christ and become a fragrant offering to God! 

Jeremiah 29:11-13 When you seek God with your whole heart you WILL find him!  I did!

He calms my storms!
Stephanie Goode