MOST POSITIVELY IN NEGATIVE EXILE

Angry, bitter, resentful. Stubborn, harsh, hardened. Sad, lonely, alone. Unhappy, miserable. Resistant, hurt, fearful. Tempted, sinful. Depressed, suicidal, dark.-NEGATIVE
Forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness. Humble, kind, soft.  Cheerful, friendly. Happy, content. Pliable, healed, trusting. Tempted, faithful. Joyful, full of life, light.-POSITIVE
Do any of these words fit you? All of them fit me! Depending on the day, time of the month, but most importantly my relationship with God. I would say I'm in the negative list right now & my relationship with God has gone off track again! This happens so easily for me right now. Miss a few days in his word & I began to fall. I can tell you that I am a strong person, but I am in a season in my life where I am weaker than I have ever been. I don't like this much as I am not very patient. I have identified greatly with the words in a song that go, "I get knock down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down." Yea not so much this time. You know its hard to blog when I'm not in the right place in my heart, mind & soul but I wouldn't be real if I didn't tell you how imperfect I am.  That negative list is all me, the positive list is where I should be, where I have been. Here's what I've read today, what God is saying about that negative list. First is James 4:1-10 Where do you think all these appalling wars & quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, & fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have & are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours & will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of asking God for it, would you? & why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way.  You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God & his way. & do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." & what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble." So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud NO to the devil & watch him scamper. Say a quiet Yes to God & he'll be there in no time.(Draw near to God & he'll draw near to you. NIV) Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, & cry your eyes out. The fun & games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet. MSG.  Nuf said. Rite? No, again in Hebrews 12:15-17 we are warned to "keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent." One or two seeds that take root can ruin the whole garden. Don't be like Esau "trading away God's lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite." (sexually immoral or Godless) Later Esau regretted his actions &wanted his inheritance but was rejected-tears or no tears. Needless to say, I know better! Ew but I am so stubborn! Matthew 15:17-20 "Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes in the stomach & then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, & these things make a man 'unclean'. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man 'unclean'; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him 'unclean'.  I think God has established that its the condition of the heart that brings about the waste of the mouth. If the heart has been poisoned then everything inside of us & around us will be too. Everything will die! It is like an aggressive cancer! It can be beat tho! Although I have never experienced chemo or radiation, based upon what I know I would venture to guess its never very fun nor is it easy! Sometimes our own foolish pride & stubbornness can make it feel like chemo. Sometimes maybe its fear & hurt that hold us back. For me its all those things! God will not give up on us, we give up on him! This isn't the first time he's brought these verses to my attention, unfortunately I have to be reminded more often than others.
Here's my prayer Psalms 51:10-11 NIV-Create in me a pure heart, O God, & renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. I like how The Message says it in vs 7-11 Soak me in your laundry & I'll come out clean, scrub me & I'll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don't look to close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!  I am asking you to pray this for me too! If I can pray this for you feel free to leave a comment or email me!

FILED-NEGATIVE
Stephanie Goode